Choosing Loneliness
by Jeff Alan
Summary: A short, sad piece about Asuka's time spent in college. Don't expect any happy thought coming out of this one.


No, I don't own Evangelion and even if you wanted to sue me I'd win anyway, so just read the story.

This is a short piece about what would happen if the second impact had never happened and there were no Evangelions.  I'm just placing Asuka in a setting that obviously never occurs in the show so I guess canon is irrelevant here.  If you think otherwise I'm still open to your opinions.  I've always felt kind of sad for Asuka, even aside from the whole issue with her mother.  Even without the whole suicide issue, Asuka's intelligence probably would have isolated her in life.  This is my take on that.  I'm not really sure if this should be in the angst category so please let me know if you think of a more suitable place to put it.

Choosing Loneliness

            I looked around the party grimly.  Nothing here impressed me and the situation didn't look as though it would be correcting itself any time soon.  On my right, another teenager passed out.  He was a little too close to me and his fall left him resting on my shoulder.  I shrugged the drunk off, watching him fall to the ground, lying there like he was dead.  What a bunch of idiots.  Why am I even wasting my time here?

            "Hi, you're Hikari's roommate, right?  I'm Natsume."  I turned to see a black haired boy, a few inches shorter than myself, looking at me.  At least he appeared coherent so I guess I could bring myself to talk to him.

            "Yeah, I'm Asuka."  I wasn't going to offer him anything else until he proved he was worth talking to.

            "Oh.  So are you enjoying the party?"

            "You call this a party?  This is just a bunch of drunken fools."

            "Hey, are you including me when you say that?"

            "Not yet.  Do you plan on turning yourself into one?" I responded sarcastically.

            "Jeez, sorry for disturbing you."  With that final comment, the boy turned away to return to the drunken hell.  I guess he's just as worthless as the rest of them.

            No one here is worth my time.  How is my perfect high school GPA serving me now?  This is supposed to be a top university but no one here even approaches my intellectual level.  I had always been the best throughout high school.  Academically, I was untouchable.  I was also athletic and beautiful.  I had had many friends.  And at least I could talk to my high school friends.  They didn't take the first opportunity to trash themselves every weekend.  But people here, they are just a nuisance.  I don't need to deal with them.  I can just ignore everyone here, focus on my studies, and show them all up when I'm earning more than them in a couple years.  

            With these thoughts, I stepped out into the cool night air.  This is what it means to be alive I thought as I watched my breath slowly dissipate.  Knowing your surroundings and what is meaningful is all I need to know.  Nature is more comforting than those idiots inside.  At least it contains some secrets.  Those morons just throw everything out in the open without a care for their own shame.  I'm better than that.  Unconvincingly trying to reassure myself, I walked back to my dorm room in silence, meeting no one and glad for the respite.

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Look at me now.  This is what I have become.  My only friends are textbooks and professors.  I drifted back to the party a few weeks before and my thoughts concerning it.  That had been the last time I had gone out to "enjoy" myself.  I don't need to deal with these people?  Yeah right.  What have I accomplished by pushing those "inferiors" away?  I used to be Asuka the genius, surrounded by friends and admirers.  Now I'm just nameless and alone.  

Author's notes:

            This is just a piece that I felt had to be written.  Now that I've written it I feel kind of depressed because I know people like this.  Anyway, let me know what you think about anything in this story.


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